20140418

This Man's Life

I have not become what anyone would consider remarkable, but this is my own humble opinion. Others tell me I’m good at this or that, but I don’t share their enthusiasm or their perception. Most of my life is dismissable, or… it was.

Last week something remarkable happened. Okay, some people would call it a mental break. You see I've had a rough year, some might say I've had a rough decade, adulthood, or perhaps life. It’s not that I grew up poor, unfortunate, abused, or damaged, I was just different. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which means I was a holy terror in school. I hated school, my parents hated that I hated school, but they tried their best to help me through it. It was hell on my mother who had already raised four children. I was the “Oh Shit,” she had at age 38. I will never understand what she was thinking having a child at that age. Sure we do this now, but in 1967 this was risky. I guess it worked out okay. I exist.

Anyway, so last week I think I’d had enough, my credit cards were nearly maxed, my job sucked, and my life was, well, chaos. I’ve been doing my best to simply hold it together, but there comes a time when things just can’t move forward. You can get stuck, lost in a moment or the pain of the daily grind. I was recovering from back pain thing, and facing a zero balance. So I snapped in the only way possible. I ran, for once I ran. I never run.

I don’t really remember the trip to the airport, it was simply me on autopilot. I bought a ticket to nowhere with just the clothes on my back, my new boots, my BlackBerry, and my wallet. Once I paid for the ticket my available credit amounted to $5.95, but I certainly wasn't thinking. The flight left in 25 minutes, and I barely made the gate and didn't really clue in to what I had just done, I remained in this state through Ottawa, as if sealing my fate.

As we disembarked from the plane I asked the flight attendant where we were. He laughed and said, “B-Bye. Enjoy your stay.” It wasn't until I saw the terminal building that I knew where I was, and panic began to seep in. How was I going to get home? Does anyone know I'm here?

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